Who am I going to be today?

Every day I have this internal battle with myself, which ultimately comes down to: Who am I going to be today? Am I going to be the fun, outgoing, confident Jen or the insecure, sad, dramatic Jen?

The first Jen doesn't exist much these days. I hate that I tie my confidence and self worth to the way I look. I feel enormous, clumsy, unattractive, and uncomfortable. I don't know why I feel this way with this pregnancy. I didn't feel this way at all when I was pregnant with the twins, but I think thats because my personal feelings were overshadowed by my feelings of carrying those babies for the parents who were waiting for them. I felt stronger emotionally with that surrogate pregnancy, and I feel sad, weak, and pathetic with my own.

I hope to start feeling like the REAL me in 5-6 weeks once this little guy is born. I'm really miserable.

Making some progress

Well I have a few shows booked for Aug/Sept which makes me happy. I hope I can get at least one or two bookings from each show for October so I can pick back up once I'm healed from delivery. Still frustrated that some people just don't respond when you message them. Most people responded with yes, I'd love to but I'm busy right now but some people just ignored my message. Rude!

Anyways, I have a 3D/4D ultrasound scheduled for tomorrow. I can't wait to see what this little guy looks like! I suppose I'd find out for sure in 6-7 weeks anyways, but I'm somewhat impatient! ;)

I went to Zumba for the first time in months last night and it was tough! I think I did pretty good...I did every song except the one I missed when I had to leave and go pee in the middle of the hour. LOL! I thought I would be hurting today but I feel ok. Just general, full body discomfort which I attribute more towards being 8 months pregnant than going to Zumba last night.

I really can't wait to be done with this pregnancy! I can't wait to work out HARDCORE again and feel strong again. I miss my muscle tone, my smaller body, my energy level. And of course I can't wait to have Arin here in my arms! :)

Here's a picture from a few days ago. Its my 8 month belly pic:



Not too much longer!

I did it!

I have completed my CNA course and clinicals, now I just have the state exam to take this Friday. I'm not worried about it too much because I did very well in the course. And then I will be a 'certified nursing assistant'!! Not sure when I will officially look for a job, but I do have contacts at the children's hospitals around here that might help me get my foot in the door.

I am also now a Lia Sophia advisor! I bit the bullet and signed up. I am excited and ready to get going but am experiencing some resistance from my friends when I ask for a couple of them to host a show to get me started. I don't understand why I am being met with this reception...I go out of my way to do things for others so I thought my 'friends' would be willing to help me start my business. The host isn't even required to buy anything, just get some friends together and let me present the gorgeous high quality jewelry! If I can't get a couple shows booked for August, then my business is doomed and dead before it even got started. Really hoping someone steps up, helps their friend, and gets me going.

Until then, I am going to work as hard as I can at this until the baby is born. I'm 8 months now...it feels weird to say "I am going to have a baby next month!" LOL. I want to get the ball rolling before baby comes so I can take a few weeks off after his birth, and then pick up strong when I'm ready to.

The kids are excited to start back to school next month, Ian in 2nd grade and Quinn in kindergarten. :) They have enjoyed a lazy summer, although it has either been super hot (too hot to play outside) or rainy so they haven't gotten much outside time. I've also been so busy that we haven't been able to go do many fun things. I hope I can make it up to them.

Well I will hopefully continue to blog my adventure into lia sophia jewelry. I love the products so much, and when you are passionate about something, you succeed in it! Ready to make things happen!